Settling in

Well, here we are.  It's been four  months since I've made a blog entry and trust me, it's not for lack of thinking about writing one.  The last few months have been very busy and hectic.  I started working at my new practice in July, which as you might remember from my last post was unbelievably overwhelming at first.  I'm very happy to report, though, that settling in didn't take very long and I have quickly come to find myself very comfortable there.  I'm feeling immensely lucky that I have found such a great practice that is supportive, friendly, and shares my agenda for what is most important to me in providing midwifery care.

Sadly, after a torrent battle with esophageal cancer, my Grampa - who was basically my father and mentor - passed away a few weeks later, with all of his closest family by his side.  I will forever be thankful that I could be counted among those people.  Time since then has had a strange way of moving - like molasses in the days that followed, and yet somehow one has to return to normal life as though nothing has happened.  He's the first person that I've ever loved that has passed away, so this journey into grief has been so painful but also full of discovery.  It's given me a deeper sense of compassion and understanding towards those who are dealing with their own grief.  I'm so thankful that he was with us as long as he was.  He's always been a bright star, with laughter and silly faces, even when everyone around him is glum.  I will miss his hugs the most.

About a month after he passed away, we moved. I'm so thankful for the friends that came to help us on that weekend, because I know it was far from an easy job.  Apparently a year and a half is *just about* enough time to forget how hard it is to move.  From the challenge of moving all the furniture, to the cleanup, and the going back to work two days later, it was a busy weekend.  I think the hardest part has been finding connections - luckily I know the people in my clinic but other than that we don't really know anyone around here.  It has been lonely at times, but I remember that feeling in Guelph as well and eventually we found our connections and it started to feel like home.  I'm hopeful that that feeling will come soon. 

 And now it's the end of October - I've had the whole month off call to sit back and relax unpack my basement.  It's been truly great to catch up on life, and yes I actually have had some time (for the first time since I was accepted into the program) where I could sit back and do *nothing* and not feel guilty about it.  I had the wonderful opportunity to go to a conference that renewed my passion for herbal remedies, was lucky enough to sit in on a day of a doula training with my favourite doula in the world and share space with a room full of keen and excited new doulas.  We also made it to my Grampa's special memorial, apple picking, Wonderland, my Mom's 50th birthday party.  It has been really nice to be avaiable and able to say "yes" to just about everything this month. 

It's also been a great opportunity for me to reflect on how lucky I am to be living my heart's desire and actualizing my dreams.  To know that now, we settle into "normal life" (for us), rather than coping with a constant stream of transitions - from classroom, to clinical and the hours it makes me keep, from practice to practice, from city to city.  Now we can relish in how far we've come in the last five years and start building new dreams  - like paying off debt  buying a house!  And travel!  And hopefully the strange version of stability that I've been waiting to be able to provide for the kids as far as financial and living arrangements go. 

Anyhow, it's Halloween, and the school bell will be ringing soon!  Snow is forecasted for this afternoon, which surprisingly is delightful to my Halloween-obsessed son.  It's time to get bundled up and get ready for a night of trick or treating (and maybe a cider or two for Mommy, since, you know, I'm still off call for three more days...)